Fairygodmuma's Blog

Sprinkle some magic in your life…

7 steps to a healthy and happy relationship

I admit, I’m an old romantic. Films such as Dirty Dancing, Titanic, Notting Hill and Love Actually turn me into a gooey lovesick pup! As well as the idea of dancing in the rain, running through long grass and kissing in the sunset with the one who takes my breath away and makes my heart sing. I always dreamed that one day I would meet this amazing person who wooed me, lusted after me and swept me off my feet and we would live happily ever after with not a care in the World.

I was often so engrossed with finding what the movies perceived as the ‘perfect’ partner, that I failed to notice the positives in the relationships I did have. I instead focused on what they weren’t providing me with, or what we were missing that the couples in the movies had! I’d seek out these ideals in others’ relationships and compare them against my own. But I was not alone.

I have realised through talking with others, that quite a lot of us believe the grass is greener on the other side. However, on the other hand, there are many who perceive their relationship to be straight out of a Mills & Boons!

Constantly comparing our own relationships to that of others,  is a terribly dangerous habit to have for a number of reasons.

1. Stop comparing

Firstly, if you have been guilty of comparing your partner to your ex, or your best friend’s partner, (or even a movie character!) it goes without saying that your partner will start to feel a little fed up and resentful. It is worth while remembering that everyone is different and unique. No two people are the same. Therefore, they are obviously going to differ to your ex or friend’s partner. It is also worthwhile putting yourself in your partner’s shoes and seeing how you would feel if you were constantly being compared to another. Pretty frustrated I would imagine! Constant comparisons can lead to jealousy, resentment and feeling of not being good enough, which could be detrimental to the future of your relationship.

2. Stop thinking your relationship is better than the rest

There is also danger in always thinking that your relationship is better than others. This can lead to insecurity in itself, as you can be so focused on making sure you stay at the top of the ‘relationship leader board’, that you fail to really enjoy the relationship. You may also ignore or gloss over issues, rather than acknowledging and dealing with them. This will only cause cracks in the relationship, that will gradually widen and deepen. Putting your relationship up on a pedestal will cause a real shock to your system if and when something does go wrong.

3. Understand that no relationship is perfect

We are all different and all have our own sets of values, priorities, tolerance and requirements when it comes to relationships. What one couple may perceive as being fantastic and wonderful, might be hell on Earth for another. As individuals we are unique too, with differing opinions, beliefs and desires. Therefore, within a relationship, there will be disagreements or challenges. This is completely healthy as how can we learn and grow as individuals, or as couples, without challenge? Mr GodMuma is one of my greatest challengers, but he is also one of my greatest teachers. For many years, I questioned our suitability as he is so very different to me in so many ways. His idea of a romantic song is “Love me like a Reptile” by Motorhead!  However, I am now incredibly grateful, for he has taught me to be myself, believe in myself and stand up for myself despite any opposition I may come across. Our differences actually compliment each other. Without challenge, we would stagnate.

Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you.  They are not perfect but are always perfect for you  ~ Author Unknown

4. Remember what you see may not be what you get

Couples will usually portray only the best parts of their unity when in public. They will gloat about how amazing their partner is and how unique their relationship is. On the other hand, they may complain or moan about what a sorry state their love life is in. If you compare your own relations, based upon what people have told you, you are only getting part of, or one side of the story. What goes on behind closed doors can often be a completely different story!

5. Accepting your partner’s flaws

Every person in every relationship has flaws, not just your own! I believe that the flaws we see in others are a mirror reflection of ourselves, whether past or present, and that if we look within ourselves, we will find that at some stage we have demonstrated that flaw in one way or another. Say for instance, your partner says something spiteful in the heat of the moment, which leaves you feeling hurt and disappointed. Before you retaliate or run off to phone your best pal to tell tales, take a moment to remember a time in which you may have said something you didnt really mean, that really hurt someone you cared about. It may not have been an intimate partner you hurt. Perhaps a family member, friend or even your child. When you have found that episode, recall what fired you up enough to speak so harshly. How did you feel just before and after?  When we hold on to anger or resentment, we only punish ourselves in the long run.  This exercise not only helps you identify why your partner has reacted in the way they did, but will hopefully help you understand and forgive them a little easier. And remind you they are only human…

6. Accept when it is time to let go

If you genuinely feel unhappy in your relationship, or are with someone who abuses you physically or mentally, then of course you need to decide if it is in your best interest to remain with that person. Your personal growth may be hindered by staying with someone who has such a negative influence over you. It may be that a temporary break to give you time to rebuild your strength, your personal worth and your belief in yourself is all your relationship needs to progress. Only you can make the decision ultimately.

7. Fall in love again…

In any case, we should take the time to be thankful for all the positive qualities your partner possesses, how good they make you feel and focus your energy on everything that is great in your relationship. There is always lots to be grateful for! By focusing on the positives, we will attract more of their best qualities into our lives. (I can vouch for this completely. Since beginning this exercise in my own life, I appreciate Mr GodMuma more than ever and our relationship has gone from strength to strength!)  If you practice this on a daily basis, you may find yourself falling in love all over again, and you should start to realise, that in fact, the grass is definitely not greener. In fact, your pasture is abundant in the rich green stuff!

You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams” – Dr Suess

Instead of comparing and focusing on how other people live their lives together, redirect your thoughts and attention to your own relationship. When we try to be something we are not, or act in a way we think people perceive as “the norm”, we will struggle to find happiness as we are not being true to ourselves. This applies to relationships too. When we accept that every partnership is different, because every human being is different, we will start to appreciate how truly original and unique and special our relationships are.

Maybe relationships aren’t like they are in the movies. But maybe they are better! Whatever they are, they are what you make of them. Stop comparing your relationship to others’, and just be happy and secure that it is right, and perfect, for you.

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.  “Pooh!” he whispered.  “Yes, Piglet?”  “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw.  “I just wanted to be sure of you”  ~ A.A. Milne

Love and blessings

Fairy GodMuma xxx

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The Perfect Recipe for Success

Whilst baking with my youngest this morning I had a lovely idea for today’s blog.

What if there was a recipe for success in life and that by combining all the right ingredients you could make your dreams come true? Well, here is Fairy GodMuma’s recipe for success!

Ingredients:

  • 250g Dreams/Goals
  • 125g Personal Responsibility
  • 125g Self Belief
  • 50ml Attitude
  • 3 heaped tbls Motivation
  • 3 heaped tbls of Gratitude
  • 125g Love
  • Sprinkling of Magic

Recipe Instructions:

Firstly, pre heat and ignite your excitement. You are about to create something amazing!

Dreams / Goals: This is probably the most important ingredient in this recipe. As South Pacific said in their song, Happy Talk, “You gotta have a dream, if you dont have a dream, How you gonna have a dream come true?” You need to have a goal in mind to be able to identify when you have succeeded. Carefully decide what Dreams/Goals you are going to pick for this recipe. It could be anything you like. Perhaps you’d like to start with smaller short term goals, and once you see how quickly and easily you can acheive these, you may like to pick out bigger long term goals. It is probably a good idea to write down the dreams you have picked so that you can refer back to them, and see how beautifully they manifested, if using this recipe again. Whatever the goals or dreams you choose, if you follow this recipe, the outcome will be the same: Life Changing.

Personal Responsibility: This is your recipe. You are picking out the ingredients, you are combining them all and the outcome will be completely down to you. No one else. You. If the result isn’t quite as you’d expected, it is not down to any external sources or persons, it is probably because you did not put in enough self belief or perhaps were lacking slightly in motivation. If you want this recipe to work, then you need to believe and accept that you are solely responsible for your own happiness and success.

Self Belief: Before you add self belief into the mix, you must make sure you have prepped it or de-seeded it, to get rid of all the bits that are of no use to us: the negative, self doubting parts. All those niggling thoughts of failing, or not being good enough. Discard them! Instead, note down all your strongest qualities and recall all the times you have acheived something, big or small. Replace those detructive, negative thoughts with useful, positive ones.  “I am capable of acheiving anything!” Keep telling yourself that as you work your self belief into this recipe and know that it is true.

Attitude: It doesn’t matter what obstacles we come up against, it is our attitude towards them that matters. You could give up, throw in the towel and shout, “I quit” when faced with a challenge, or you could acknowledge it, work your way through it and be thankful for the opportunity to learn and come out stronger on the other side. One of my favourite quotes is: ‘It’s not that life has been easy, perfect or exactly as expected. I just choose to be happy and grateful no matter how it turns out’. When you really put things into perspective, life is pretty good. It all depends on your attitude to it. So make sure you work your attitude into every inch of this recipe.

Motivation: Motivation is key to succeed. I have suggested 3 tablespoons of it, but the good thing about motivation is you can never have enough of it, so feel free to heap it in. If you feel that at any time your recipe is not working, or you needs a little boost, add more motivation. Keep some in your ‘magical tool box’ in case of emergencies.

Gratitude: Again, you can never be too grateful, so heap it into your recipe. It is important to be aware of every stage in the recipe of success and be thankful for every milestone you pass in reaching it. When we are grateful, we attract more things into our lives to be grateful for. When your recipe is complete and you have acheived success, you will be able to really taste the gratitude you put in.

Love: Although the path to success may be hard at times, it should always be exciting and worthwhile. If it is not, then maybe you put the wrong goals and dreams into your mix. Really love and enjoy what you do to make it a success. Surround yourself with love; from people that you love, to items or things that you love. Love yourself! Pour your love into your recipe and know that you are creating the success you desire.

Magic: Open your magic toolbox and sprinkle some magic into your recipe, whatever your magic might be! For me, it would probably be a sprinkling of chocolate!

Combine your ingredients together until they all merge and you feel pleasantly confident with their consistency.

Warm them in your pre ignited fire and knowingly watch them grow and develop. When your spirits have risen, and you can hold the creation firmly in your hands, you have acheived success!

Mmm… I love baking!

Love and blessings,

Fairy GodMuma xxx

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Overcome, believe, acheive!

I have had the pleasure of working with many wonderful yet vulnerable people, full of dreams and aspirations but also full of fear and self doubt. Believing they will get nowhere because of who they are and where they have come from, feeling they have been dealt a bad hand and been let down by their elders and society. It saddens me to hear them say, “People like me don’t get what we want.”

A number of these people have assumed I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth, sent to private school and wrapped in cotton wool because, to them, I am successful. Not quite true… I grew up on a council estate on the outskirts of London with my siblings and my mum, who was a single parent, but worked all hours to make ends meet. I shared a small room with two siblings and we went to the local public school. There was no silver spoon. There was no private school. There was no cotton wool.

There was lots of love though.

We may not have been wealthy or had a big house in a respectable area, but we were rich in other ways. We had all the love and support any child could ask for, and that is worth more than any material item. My parent’s believed wholeheartedly in me, and as a result, I believed in myself.

I could have allowed our perceived limitations to hold me back, but it only spurred me on more. I wanted to be the best I could possibly be, and I wasn’t prepared to let anything stand in my way. It goes without saying that my journey hasn’t been all plain sailing. I’ve encountered many setbacks and obstacles along the way, but they have moulded me into the person I am today, and so I could not be more thankful for them.

So, why am I telling you all this? Quite simply, because, I really want for you to all live happy fulfilled lives!

It really is a personal choice as to whether you live a life of struggle, disappointments and misery – or whether you live a life of abundance, excitement and bliss. You could continue to blame your current circumstances on your upbringing, your parents, society or mistakes you have made. Alternatively, you can take back control of your life and realise that the only person holding you back or preventing you from blossoming, is you.

I always find it inspiring to look at people who have fought the odds to become successful.

My favourite is J K Rowling, who whilst being unemployed, on welfare, a single mum and living with depression, wrote her Harry Potter novels when she could in various cafes, and is now worth about $1.1billion! Another is Jim Carrey, who had to work eight hours a day as well as attending high school to help out his family who ended up living in a camper van. Despite all of this, he decided to act upon his dreams of becoming a stand up comedian and dropped out of school to do so. He is now one of the highest paid comedians. Both had a dream, and neither let their circumstances stop them from acheiving that.

It is such an empowering feeling when we finally realise that we are responsible for our life as it is, and that only we have the power to change or make it better. If you have been guilty of blaming others for your circumstances, stop right now and get back into the driving seat of your life. No matter who you are or where you come from, you can be or acheive anything you set your mind to!

As Jim Rohn said: “You must take personal responsibility. You can not change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself.”

Your destiny awaits you… make it a magical one!

Love and blessings

Fairy GodMuma xxx

P.S. I would like to dedicate this post to the person who inspired me most to overcome, believe and acheive. Thankyou for giving me the gift of life and holding my hand as I walk through it. Love you Mum x

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Create your own Magic Toolbox

Did you know that you can have up to 70,000 thoughts a day? That’s a whole lot of thinking! It is also a whole lot of creating as our thoughts become things.

Marcus Aurelius once said, “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts; therefore guard accordingly.”

What we think about and focus on most, we attract into our lives, whether that be good or bad. However, a positive thought is much more powerful than a negative one.

This emphasises why it is so important to try and make sure our thoughts are predominantly positive. Perhaps easier said than done when we have so many conscious and subconscious thoughts running through our mind?!

That is why I created myself a magic toolbox. Dont worry, I don’t fly around tugging a heavy cumbersome metal case! It is a hypothetical toolbox which contains memories, thoughts, actions and things that I can tap into to instantly trigger my positive thoughts or give me a wee boost if I need one! I’m going to open and share some of its contents with you now, and perhaps it will inspire you to create your own…

Fairy GodMuma’s Magic Toolbox:

1) Magic Pebble – this is a pebble my son gave me which I pop into my pocket or purse, and each time I grasp it in my hand I think of my children and how amazingly blessed and happy thay make me.

2) Look at photos of wedding day or other significant events – each time I look at these photos I envision myself reliving the experience and I feel all the wonderful, proud, joyous feelings that went with it.

3) Supercharge Songs – I have created a playlist of songs that inspire and supercharge my emotions. A few of these beautful songs include ‘Kisses and Cake’ by John Powell, ‘Feels like Home’ by Edwina Hayes and “No Other Love” by Chuck Prophet, but you could fill your playlist with songs that are personal and motivational to you.

4) Laughter – Laughter really is the best medicine so I will do anything which sparks a good chuckle. I watch a funny videoclip or recall a joke or memory. If with my children, I will tickle them and let their infectious laughter contaminate me. I laugh from the bottom of my belly and let it completely take over.

5) Favourite place – I take myself off to a place where I feel at peace, and breathe in the air so it fills my lungs with tranquility and bliss. If you’re not able to physically visit your treasured place, look at a picture or visualise yourself there and live the emotions it fills you with.

6) Hug a loved one – hugging not only makes you feel good, but it makes the person you’re hugging feel good (providing they have given you permission to do so!)

7) Count my blessings – I look around at all the wonderful beautiful things in my life and feel heartfelt gratitude for them. If you keep a gratitude journal, you could re-read it or add to it to enhance your thanks.

8) Dance – depending on how brave you are, this may not be one to do whilst riding the bus, or sitting in a meeting at work! However, I love to put on an upbeat song and dance like noone is watching. Even better, I grab my eldest son and swing him around like were auditioning for Strictly Ballroom, usually resulting in us collapsing on the floor in a fit of giggles. A perfect feel good quick fix!

9) Tell someone you love them – text them, ring them, email them or best of all, tell them face to face! If you are unable to tell them, visualise them standing in front of you and picture their response as you say it. Trust me, your love will reach out to them. Expressing your love not only fills you with good vibes, but it will make the recipient feel fantastic too. Recall how amazing it is to hear someone tell you they love you. Take time to think about all the people who love you, and let their love fill you up. No matter what, there is always someone out there who loves you.

10) Chocolate – I always keep a few blocks of chocolate in my magic toolbox! Its my weakness, but you can’t beat a hit of dreamy creamy chocolate to get the endorphins fizzing!

So this is a sample of what you may find in my magic toolbox, and most of them can be accessed and utilised anytime, anywhere and are guaranteed to start a tidal wave of positive thoughts. We would be pushed to monitor every single thought we have each day, but with awareness and practice you will start to automatically acknowledge and eliminate your negative thoughts and replace them with positively fantastic ones. And who doesn’t want to be happy, right?

My question to you tonight, poppets, what would you put in your magic toolbox?

Love and blessings,

Fairy GodMuma xxx

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Four Steps to a Brighter Morning

Are you a morning person?

Or…do you groan at the sound of your alarm going off, hit the snooze button and grumble back to sleep, sigh when you eventually ooze out of bed, reluctantly pull the curtains, heavily stomp to the bathroom painfully stubbing your toe on the way there, snap at your spouse for using the last of the milk and not replacing it, curse as you have to run to catch your train and miss it, huff and puff as you squeeze your way onto the sardine tin carriage of the later train, snarl as you are pressed up into the armpit of a fellow commuter who clearly did not have time to shower this morning, and completely dread the day ahead?

Not surprisingly, if you awake with this attitude, your day ahead will more than likely continue as it started!  However, with just the tiniest adjustment in our thoughts or feeling when we first awake could extraordinarily change the days outlook.

There is a wonderful universal law called the Law of Attraction which has been around since time began, and is always in action whether you are aware of it or not. To put it very simply, the law states that you attract what you think about and focus on most, which makes us a wee bit like human magnets!

So if you wake up in a bad mood and continue your day full of doom and gloom, guess what you are likely to experience? A pretty miserable day! Take my above example, as soon as this person wakes they are already grumbling about having to get up for work. They feel fed up and hard done by. As a result, they attract more situations or experiences, such as stubbing their toe and missing their train, to feel fed up and hard done by about. And so the viscious circle continues.

However, had that same person woken up with a smile on their face, grateful for the sunshine peeping through their curtains and excited about the fantastic opportunities that day would present them with, their day could have been transformed from darn right awful to truly magnificent!

Its such an easy step to take and one I adopted not so long ago, but practice on a daily basis now because I have found it so effective. Every morning I set my alarm to go off five minutes before my children awake and I firstly give thanks for being alive and for mine and my family’s health and happiness. I then visualise the day ahead and envision only positive outcomes, before giving heartfelt thanks for them. This wee exercise is particularly useful if you have an important event that day, say for instance an interview or business meeting. Really see yourself in that situation; confident and positive. Then picture the end result as you wish it to be and really feel and enjoy the emotions attached to this outcome. It will not only fill you with happiness, but you will attract more and more experiences that will fill you with the same contentment. It’s a win win situation!

Here are my four steps to a brighter morning!

  1. Be thankful to be alive – The very fact you are alive and well is enough for you to be thankful when you wake each morning. A lot of people will sadly not have this luxury.
  2. Set your intentions – What do you want from your day? A relaxing pleasurable morning, a positive response in your personal development / work review, a flow of money into your bank account, a good mark for your child at school, to be healthy and happy all day? Whatever your desire for the day, own it, believe it is already yours and make it happen! 
  3. Incorporate gratitude into your daily routine – As you wake, give thanks for the bed you are sleeping in, the carpet or rug your feet touches as it steps out of bed, the toothbrush and toothpaste, as well as fresh water you have access to as you brush your teeth, the food you have for breakfast, the roof you have over your head and the clothes on your back. Not to mention the hugs your children or loved ones give you. In the first few seconds of your life, you have so much to be thankful for, the list is endless.
  4. Find the good in every situation – whether you’re running late, or these is a traffic jam, or it rains – try to find the positive in every situation. What may be a small niggling irritation for you at that specific moment, may be a huge life changing situation, possibly for the greater good, in the long run.

Don’t worry if you “get out of the wrong side of the bed”, as they say. One of my favourite quotes of all time is “Every moment is another chance to turn it all around”  from the film ‘Vanilla Sky’, and it could not be more true. If you find those negative thoughts creeping in and taking over, just stop, take a deep breath and replace them with positive ones. Even my three year old has mastered this one! If he ever acts up in the morning or does something he shouldn’t, he apologises, smiles and says, “Its ok, we can start the day again!” Its really not too late to turn it all around, and the start the day as you mean it to go on. What have you got to lose….

Try this tomorrow when you wake up, and sprinkle some magic in your day…

Love and blessings,

Fairy GodMuma xxx

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