Fairygodmuma's Blog

Sprinkle some magic in your life…

Hooray for Me!

on August 16, 2012
 
You are you. Now, isn’t that pleasant?” – Dr Seuss
 
Hello Poppets. I’ve decided to have a party and you’re invited!
The time of the party: Now.
The place: Where ever you may be sitting or standing at this very moment.
The reason we are celebrating: You. Brilliant, incredible, amazing: YOU.
That’s right. This party is to celebrate you for all that you are and all that you can be.
 
But do you know or remember who you truly are…?
 
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We are born a blank canvas. Innocent and purile. Free from fear, anxiety or prejudice. Happy just to be us.
 
As we grow up, other people’s values and beliefs are impressed upon us, whether through our elders, teachers, religion, culture, television or society. In particular we are told what is right and wrong, what is acceptable and unacceptable, and what is deemed ‘normal’. Layers of other people’s views, opinions and prejudice are built up around us, so much so, that we can often forget what it is that makes us truly individual and special. We forget who we truly are and, therefore, live up to the expectations of others as to how we should act or who we should be.
 
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
 
Are you an approval junkie?
 
It is a primal instinct to want to be loved, and as children, we are constantly learning and reassessing our behaviour or actions, in order to gain our parent’s love and acceptance. This desire to be loved continues as we age. It is therefore easy to slip into the habit of allowing external sources to determine our happiness, or needing the approval of others in order to feel happy with ourselves. We are told when we are young that the nicer you are or the more you give to people, the more people will like you. This need to have people like us can stay with us, and even increase as we age, making it difficult for us to feel content without it being expressed by an external entity. We rely on others praise or acceptance to feel happy! The necessity to be liked also makes it even harder for us when we come across someone who doesn’t like us. It can lead us to feel as though we are inferior, or even worse, a failure.

But if everyone in the world is uniquely different and there is no “normal”,  then how could anyone possibly be inferior?

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval” – Mark Twain

You have to learn to love you and accept you for all that you are. Yes, even our flaws! Because that is what makes you so special.

It’s time to strip off those layers and get back to you. The real you.

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Here are a few Fairy GodMuma tips to help you celebrate the magnifence of You:

Identify who you are

What do you like? What don’t you like? What makes you happy? What are you passionate about? What are your goals? Where do you see yourself in 3 months, 1 year and 5 years? What are your values and beliefs on subjects such as love, money, health, spirituality etc?

Get a pen and paper and write down your thoughts and feelings on the above suggestions and any others that may spring to mind. Dont think too hard about the answers. Write down the first thing that comes to mind as in most cases, this is your truth. If you look back at some of your beliefs and feel they could do with a revamp – then great! Although we have deep rooted beliefs, they may not always be positive and this exercise gives you the opportunity to identify, address and reprogram them. Whatever you scribble down though, accept as being you – and live by this. When in a situation where your thoughts or beliefs may be challenged, consciously try to stay true to yourself.

Accept your strengths and weaknesses

When we are able to identify our flaws, and accept them, it is not as shocking or insulting if someone points them out. In fact, we can almost learn to laugh at them – or love them! I can be a bit of a control freak at times and although I recognised this within myself, I used to get very upset if my dear husband pointed this out! However, I now appreciate that this flaw has its benefits too as it helps me maintain a busy household and keep organised. I can now joke about it and I embrace that part of me. We all have our flaws as well as our many strengths and it is so important to acknowledge these when discovering our true selves.

You cant please everyone…

It is important to understand that you can’t please everybody. Hard as it is to accept for some (and it took me years to grasp this), but every individual  has different beliefs and values dependent on their own upbringing, experiences and circumstances. This means that what one person deems as right or acceptable, another may not. What one person perceives as funny, another may perceive as annoying. What you may perceive as arrogant, another may perceive as confident. If you put all your time and energy into pleasing everyone you come across, it will be to the detrement of your own happiness.

Stop caring about what people think of you

As I said above, you can be jeopardising your own happiness spending too much time worrying about what others make of us. If you are constantly wondering ,”Do they think I’m funny / friendly,” or “Am I clever/confident /slim/good looking enough?”, it is near on impossible to be your true self, because you are trying to be what you think others want you to be.

The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don’t let them put you in that position” – Leo Buscaglia

When we stop trying to be someone else, and love ourselves for who we truly are, it is hugely liberating. You no longer have to answer to the World, you only answer to yourself.

Stop comparing yourself to others

Too often in life we compare ourselves to others that we think are better than us or have more than us. A slight better comparison would be to compare ourselves with those who may be worse off than ourselves and realise how truly blessed we are.

An even better option is to turn our comparisons inwards, and compare ourselves now to how we used to be. What have you overcome and acheived to become the amazing person you are today?

Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire World can do a better job of being you than you” – Unknown

You are so unique. There is noone else quite like you. Stop focusing on what others may have, or how they may act or who they might be. Cast your thoughts within. Embrace your individuality and celebrate being you. 

Your past does not define who you are

So, you may have cheated on someone and broken their heart many years ago. Or perhaps you lied to someone in order to get your own way. Does this make you a bad person? No. We all make mistakes, but if we view them as an opportunity to learn and grow, then they have served us well. Stop living in your past. It does not define you and you can not change it. All that matters is the present, and who you are now. I discuss this more in my post “Live for Now” https://fairygodmuma.wordpress.com/2012/08/08/live-for-now/

Your past is not your identity… You, living now, is your identity” – George Lawrence-Ell (The Invisible Clock)

Are material items really that important??

Whilst it is nice to have luxuries, they do not make us better people on the inside. Having a big, shiny new car is exciting, but it doesn’t make us any better than those with a small, battered old car. The car still performs the same function of getting us from A-B. It is who we are as people that matters, so we must stop thinking that material items will make us more likeable or attractive. When all the money, cars or designer labels are stripped away, all we are left with is the person, and that is worth more than any material item.

Instead of focusing on what you dont have, focus on what you do have

When we focus on lack, we attract more lack in our lives. Likewise, when we focus on abundance, then more abundance will flow our way. This also applies to how we think or feel about ourselves.

Stop wasting your time and energy pinpointing qualities you dont possess. So you may not be hugely confident or a great public speaker, but perhaps you are wonderfully sensitive and artistically creative. You may not be great at saving money, but perhaps that is because you are so generous and giving. And when you next catch yourself thinking your bottom looks big in that new outfit of yours, try focusing on how good another part of your body looks instead!

Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing” – Darwin. P. Kinsley

Learn from others and move on if need be

There is something to be learnt from everyone we encounter in our lives. Yes, even those who challenge us. When someone challenges me, I am always so thankful to them, because they force me to be true to myself and my beliefs. They reinforce to me that it is okay to have differing opinions and that we are entitled to that, because everyone is different. My biggest challengers in my life are actually my biggest teachers.

Surround yourself with positive influences

Whilst it is good to be challenged once in a while, it is not hugely beneficial to spend too much time with negative influences. Over time their negativity is likely to impact on you, whether you are aware of it or not, as when you pay any attention to their words or actions, you are focusing your energy on negativity. Therefore you will attract more negativity and self doubt into your life.

It is better to surround yourself with people who praise your qualities and make you feel truly good about yourself. People who accept you for who you are. People who motivate you to be the very best you can be.

Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused” – Alan Cohen

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Salvador Dali once said: “Each morning when I awake, I experience again a supreme pleasure: that of being Salvador Dali

Every morning you should feel the same. Immense overwhelming gratitude for being more than just one in a million, for being like no other, for being just as you are: a miracle. You are amazing.

Now, are you ready to party? Your guests await you. As you walk into their cheers, rejoice to yourself: “Hooray for me!”

Love and blessings,

Fairy GodMuma xxx

It’s time to realise how amazing you really are…

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